Snape's gone batshit!
by ElvishNutcase
Summary: In the after math of the final war, a group of Ravenclaws decided that he needs a bit of fun in his life. Join Laura and her friends as they annoy, bother, irritate, and in general pissoff professor Snape. Rated T for suggestive material.


_Disclaimer: I am not rich, neither am I English. I do not own the canon characters. I do however own Laura, Lucy, Pilar, and Caitlin and will Sue your ass if if you steal them after I raise enough money to do such a thing._

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Laura sat in the compartment with her four Ravenclaw friends. They were in the process of planning something. "Okay, so your first assignment takes place in July," Deidre briefed her, "you will just have a couple of assignments this summer. The rest will start back in September,"

Laura grinned, "When will I find out about my first assignment?" she asked leaning forward and propping her head on her hands.

"I will owl you with the dates," Lucy replied. She was the one in charge of the actual list. The other three conspirators were in charge of helping when it was needed.

"When will I receive this owl?" Laura questioned.

"The first week of July," Caitlin answered with an evil grin, "along with a portkey,"

"Why will I need a portkey?" Laura asked with a frown.

"That is for us to know and you to find out," Pilar replied.

The five spent the rest of the trip chatting and adding a few more ideas to their evil plan. At last, the train pulled into Platform 9 ¾. Laura stepped off with her luggage and went in search of her parents.

"How was your fourth year?" her mother Lila asked absentmindedly as they weaved their way through the crowds.

"Pretty good," Laura replied with a faint grin, "next year should be better though,"

"How so?" her mother asked as the searched for a quiet place to apparate.

"I'll be in fifth year, and we have plans for next year," Laura replied with a slight laugh.

"Well that's good," her mother answered, "Ah, here's a good place," Laura grabbed her mother's arm as she apparated away.

June went by quickly and July arrived. Laura waited anxiously for her letter to come with her instructions. At last they arrived.

"Dear," her mother remarked as she came downstairs for breakfast.

"Yes mum?" Laura asked as she grabbed a few pieces of bacon and toast.

"You got an owl this morning," her mother replied from her position at the stove.

Laura grabbed it and practically ripped it trying to get it open.

_Laura_

_Your assignment is to go Christmas Caroling at his office door do not leave or stop singing until well past dawn, unless of course he threatens to hex you. Then by all means leave. Enclosed is a portkey. I suggest you start practicing your Christmas songs now because this assignment is scheduled for July the tenth, which leaves you nine days to learn them. Your next owl will arrive August sixth. Cheers!_

_-Lucy_

"Anything important?" her mother asked as she set more bacon in front of Laura.

"It pertains to what we have planned next year. Nothing major," Laura replied while trying to decide what songs to use.

"Well, I hope it is nothing dangerous," her mother muttered.

"Not at all," Laura said brightly, "Unless of course you count driving Snape batshit dangerous," she muttered in an afterthought.

"Well, have fun," her mother replied.

Laura went upstairs and logged on to her computer to look up Christmas songs. She needed a few in other languages after all.

The night of July the tenth rolled around all too quickly for Laura's taste. She was feeling a bit apprehensive about all this. She really didn't want to get in too much trouble. But neither was she planning on backing out.

At ten O'clock that night, she grabbed the portkey and felt the familiar feelings of travel. She landed in the Great hall. Fortunately nobody was their. Unfortunately for her, Dumbledore knew she had appeared their. Maybe not her in particular, but he knew someone had ended up there.

Laura crept down to the Dungeons and waited. After what seemed forever, but was only a few minutes, she saw professor Snape walk down the hall muttering something about intruders. She pressed herself into the wall and prayed that he wouldn't notice her. Fortunately for her, he didn't.

After waiting a bit to make sure he was good and asleep, she started belting out Christmas songs as loud as she could. After three songs, Professor Snape appeared almost like magic at the door.

"What is that incessant noise?" he growled as he yanked the door opened.

Laura pointedly ignored him and started another song, this time Silent Night.

"Why are you standing at my door singing Christmas songs at midnight in July?" he snapped at her.

"Just spreading the Christmas cheer," she said cheerfully before dutifully belting out another line.

"If you do not stop that infernal noise within the next three seconds, I will put you in detention for the remainder of the summer, Summers," he hissed.

"Well, technically it's the summer, so technically you can't put me in detention until the school year starts," Laura answered with a wide grin.

Professor Snape grinned nastily, "Perhaps you'd like to test that theory," he said silkily, "I think Filch was looking for volunteers to polish all the door handles in the school, as well as clean the windows,"

"Erm, I'll just be going, shall I?" she said before turning around and sprinting off.

She touched the portkey and got her ticket back home. She'd tell her buddies all about it tomorrow.

She slept till about ten this next morning before finally dragging herself out of bed.

Before going downstairs, she drafted a letter to her friends. Once finished, she sent her owl off with it. At about lunchtime she received a reply.

_Laura_

_We would like you to record all these incidents in a diary or something like that. This will be for a later assignment. Until August, enjoy. If you happen to come up with more, don't hesitate to owl me or one of the others with them. Enjoy your summer!_

_-Lucy_

Laura nodded and went about her daily business. During the third week of July, she received her school list. Her parents escorted her to Diagon Alley to pick a few things up. Upon arriving, she noticed Harry Potter, the boy who had defeated Voldemort two months ago. She had heard rumors of course that him and his friends Ron and Hermione would be doing their seventh year this year instead of last year when they were supposed to. This spawned a couple of ideas in her head. She couldn't wait to get home.

After restocking her supply of Potion's ingredients, parchment, and quills, and picking up a couple of books, they apparated home. Laura practically ran upstairs.

"Lady," she told her owl, "I need you to take a letter to-" she had started to say Lucy, but then she remembered that Lucy was going to be on vacation this week. "Caitlin," she finished. She pulled out a piece of parchment and began scribbling on it. As soon as she finished, she sent Lady on her way.

August second rolled around quickly enough. Laura waited eagerly for her next letter from Lucy. Finally she received it.

_Laura_

_This one is fairly easy. All four of us have agreed to lend you any owls that currently reside in our houses. For this one, we need you to create valentines for our favorite professor and send them. They must be sent by August eighth. Have fun being creative! There will be seven owls in total not including any in your house._

_-Lucy_

Laura nodded and headed downstairs. "Mom," she called.

"Yes dear?" her mother hollered from the living room.

"Do you have any colored paper?" Laura replied.

"In the study, second drawer down. Look under the postcards!" her mother answered.

Laura retrieved nine sheets and went back upstairs. She got on the computer and spent the next hour designing four nicely done valentines. Then she went downstairs into the study and retrieved a Yoda valentine card from the Valentine stash from where she'd been in elementary school. Lastly, she did four poorly done drawings for valentines. Now she had to wait.

On August eighth, Laura began sending the owls off on their evil mission.

"We appear to have a remarkable amount of mail this morning," Professor McGonagall remarked as the nine owls settled around Snape. It was rather amusing to watch his face pale as soon as he read what was on whatever it was he was reading. Professor McGonagall noted that it grew even paler as he read each one, "Bad news?" she queried.

In response, he glared at her before standing up and sweeping off to his dungeons taking whatever it was with him. McGonagall noticed that one of the whatever they were had fallen right before he had swept out. She stood up and went to retrieve it.

Upon seeing it, McGonagall couldn't help but start laughing. After showing it to the rest of the staff table, all of them were roaring with laughter. There was something hilarious about Snape getting a valentine of Yoda saying "May the Force be with You".

**So, how is it? Feel free to make your own suggestions. If I use them, all credit will be given to the person who suggested them. By the way, all reviewers will get their favorite character covered in chocolate sauce. Cheers!**


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